Car 3

Ms Suze Morley

Outward appearance

Young woman pulling a bicycle into the carriage at Embankment. Short hair, a fluorescent coat, safety helmet, and beefy legs in track suit bottoms. She flips off a Viva! shoulder bag onto an empty seat and stands holding onto the bike.

Inside information

Danni Jarrett's sister. Works for the Personnel Office of the Department of Transport near Lambeth Bridge. Devoted to serial monogamy, meaning she only has sex with one man a night. Concerned about the size of her arse, so today she cycled into work.

What she is doing or thinking

Whose good idea was this? It's supposed to be downhill from Camden. A motorcyclist slapped her with his wing mirror at Seven Dials and Trafalgar Square was the most terrifying event of the week, especially when a taxi driver decided to pretend she wasn't there. Now she's sweaty, shaken and utterly puffed. Fags n booze, that's what keeps me in good shape.

People laugh, she looks up. Some comedian has just sat down on an old woman. He jumps up and sits down on someone else. There's no pleasing some people. As the train whines into Waterloo, the old woman gets up and says to him, "You can sit on my knee any time you like."

Just let him try it with me, thinks Suze.

A policeman gets on. Just leaving, Officer. The policeman says to the old woman, "Would you like to make a complaint?"

The old dear just smiles back. You a native Londoner, then? thinks Suze. They both get out without saying a word to the Filth.

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